soo here I am again…..

*actually, I’ve always been here, I just haven’t shared a whole heck of a lot *

How have you been? Good. Me too!

manifesting abundance.. exactly what does that mean?  Since I’ve been posting I have completed a 200 hour yoga teacher training course, which has me certified ( and no longer scared 🙂 to teach yoga!

It was an amazing journey and it really transformed me in many ways.  As part of our training, we had certain electives to choose. One that I signed up for was “manifesting abundance”

I had no idea what it was….  and I made that perfectly clear as the day-long class began. I was sitting all properly propped up on my yoga mat, tea by my side ,honoring my body as we were taught to when Tiffany, my teacher asked if there were any questions. I promptly raised my hand and asked, ” what is manifesting abundance? ”

She smiled and simply said that she would not be able to answer that question… It was a question for me to answer.

I turned bright red and was so embaressed that I actually asked the question.

I almost walked out. But I didn’t.   I stayed and had a most amazing day with a bunch of wonderful women. I cannot go into too much detail of what happened in that room, but I can tell you that it was amazing and it changed me. When I left at the end of the day, I knew everything would be ok. I also realized just how many signs in my life are all pointing me in the direction that I am supposed to be going in.

The signs have always been there, I was just too naive to see them.

Let me explain a little.

As some of you know Scott and I had our children very young. I was 16 when our oldest, Jason, was born; Ryan and Ali followed when we were in our early 20s.

We have spent not only our entire adult lives raising our children, but much of our adolescence as well.

It’s pretty much all that I know.  Jason has been out on his own for many years now, happily married to a wonderful girl , Amanda Sue, who I am proud to call my daughter- in-law. I love her for loving him.

Y’all may also know that ryan has had a rough road. The deck of cards that he was dealt left him with a wild, wild ride for him to get to where he is today. I cannot tell you how much of my life revolved around helping him get to where he is now

( he has done so much on his own, but I have always been right in the sidelines ready to help him with whatever twist or turn was waiting )

Unfortunately, there were far to many turns.

Fast forward and He is now a freshman in college, at his dream school, majoring in history, a subject that he is passionate about.

He is clear on the other side of the country.

Ali is a senior in high school, very independent, and very goal-orientated when it comes to her picking her college for her next 4 years..

Scott and I have raised 3 independent, compassionate, thoughtful kids who have carried on with them the ability to think out of the box and take the road less- traveled and stop to enjoy the view.

26 years ago, if you had asked me what I would want for my children when I was becoming a parent, I could not have dreamed the outcome.

It was what I had , unknowingly, had spent my life manifesting.

So that day in the room, Tiff had us write some things down… Things about us now, things that we would like to see in our futures.

I came across that paper the other day.

1~ become a yoga instructor.  check. I love yoga and I love to teach others to be healthy and HONOR and LOVE yourself for who you are today.  I’m all for being healthy, but I get bothered when I see folks beat themselves up for that ‘extra 5 pounds’..

to put it in perspective, somebody going through chemo would LOVE those 5 pounds..

right? right.

And look back at a picture of yourself from ten years ago.. most likely you were thinking to yourself , ” I could be skinnier, or more muscular, or richer, or… well, you get the point.

And I’m willing to bet that when you look at that pic now, you would love to be who you were back then.

So stop and love yourself for who you are today… strive for more, but accept who you are. for who you are.

I always say, stop comparing yourself to the person next to you…. they are doing a terrible job at trying to be you .

2~ I wanted to become a runner. I have never been athletic. Like ever. I purposely bailed out of gym class ( but excelled in home EC.. go figure?) I’ve played one tiny season of softball when I was 9 and even though I was supposed to love it, I hated it. ( I’m sorry, dad , 😦 )

I have always envied runners.  They just seem to have a sense of self and look so carefree and comfortable in their own skin.  I have tried many times to learn to run, but I’ve just simply hated it.

So one of the things on my list that day was to become a runner.  I am working very hard on that one. I have some excellent guidance and I am determined. And when I set my mind to something.. that’s it.  I signed up for my first 5 k  (dragging my little sister along with me)  and I am scared to death… but you know what? I am going to do it. And I am going to love it… because I want to..

perhaps I should have warned you ahead of time regarding the length of this post.. sorry 🙂

back to being a mom.. I have dreaded this time in my life for the past few years. what would I do without my kids here? This question has had me lose more nights of sleep than I care to admit. I have obsessed and dreaded it.  I have even gone as far to talk to my doctor about it.  26 years of being a mom & being SO involved in my kids lives… what would be around the corner for me?

What I learned in that room that day was like I said, I am going to not only be ok, I’m going to be better than ok. I have been working on ‘manifesting abundance’ and by that I mean that I am going after all of my little dreams one at a time.

When I left Ryan last week, I cried one tiny tear. No where near the mess that I thought I would be.. Pride took over . and Happiness. As sad as I am to not have him here to get my quirky humor ( he ‘gets’ me like no one else does) .. the smile on his face and seeing him in his element SOO happy washed away any tears that I might have cried.

This happened once before too…  When Jason graduated from Navy boot camp.  I was ready to be a mess, but when he marched in, a man… I was overwhelmed with pride. I simply cannot describe it.

It is safe to say that my kids mean the world to me, and while I am still their mom and biggest fan, the fact that they are all living their own lives SO happy.. well, that make me happy.

and ready to manifest what is next for me 🙂 I’m only 41 years old. Really, quite young to be at this point of my life.

I do still have Ali for her senior year, as well as Tian, my exchange daughter form Hong Kong ( who i love like my own) and Ali’s multiple friends who call me mom & make our home their second home. It will be an amazing year for all of these beautiful young women, and I intend on keeping in touch with each and every one of them.

( I may be known at the post office as the queen of care packages )

I love that they are all going on with their own lives and that I am ready for this point of my life.  I never imagined the peace that I could find in my own skin 🙂

so.. if I haven’t lost you yet, thanks for letting me share. I love to write and I have alot to say ( clearly)

don’t give up on me, food and quilting will still be here…. ( I’m about to make mushroom soup for one … as my entire family is currently in 4 separate time zones )

as I leave you… think about this…  what are you manifesting? can you picture it? can you love yourself just as much as you love that certain someone that you would do anything for?

just try

xoxoxoox

~s