fresh. start.

Wow… 2018 is upon us. Damn that went fast 😳

Personally, I’m excited to bid 2017 farewell. Looking back it has been a year of extremes. The one pattern that I see over and over is love and loss.

So much love.

Unconditional love. That warm fuzzy feeling of excitement of big things to come.

Love that makes you want to take the pain of others and have it yourself so that you no longer need to see suffering

So much loss.

Loss of loved ones, loss of dignity, loss of self.

Throughout much of ’17, I felt much like the guy at the carnival, sitting on the ledge about water while others threw balls at the target trying to knock him down into the water.

And 99% of the time, I ended up in the drink (see what I did there?). Soaking wet.

Whelp… tonight at midnight starts a new chapter. I’m not much on the word ‘resolution’. It seems so final. So formal.

I’m using the word ‘plan’

I’m heading straight into the storm of 2018 with a plan. A plan and a safety net. And a safety net for my safety net.

Ive read that Japanese have a word for fixing what’s broke. Kintsugi. They take what’s broken and fix it with gold so that it is even more beautiful. The ‘scars’ so to speak remind you of how strong and beautiful an item can be, regardless of it’s past.

Sometimes the scars that hurt the worst are the ones that can’t be seen.

nger have the handle, nor the gold, but I see beauty in my broken mug ☺️

There are so many that I'd like to thank. You know who you are and you know what you did. And you are amazing. And I am one blessed lady.

Legend has it that if you burn a bayberry candle on new years' eve, it will bring abundance in the year to come

it’s not too late to get a bayberry candle to burn tonight…. 😉

My words for 2018 are gratitude and grace. Gratitude for all that has brought me to where I am today, and grace for learning that even stars can fall.

I’ve come a long way.. but I still have a ways to go. I’m ready. I’m prepared. I’m loved. I’m learning to love myself.💜

I wish anyone reading this a very happy and healthy 2018.

I’ll see you further down up the road.

With grace and gratitude 💕



finding out.

hi all. 

I’m a numbers  person.   Not in the way that most would normally think.  I’m numbers vs. math 
My Husband?  He’s great with numbers. Percentages.. budgets.. finances.. he gets all of that.  ALL of that.   I always joke that math-wise, I can understand *just* what I need to if I’m cooking, sewing or knitting.  Other than that? Forget it.  

When I say that I’m a numbers person, I more mean that I see constant connections with numbers. Thinking back, I can’t remember. Time when I didn’t. 

So based on the fact that this is 2017, and 27 is my lucky number, and that 2017 scrambled is actually my birthday, one would think that perhaps this year should have been an epic one for me 
Except that it hasn’t been. It’s been by far the most trying, difficult, frustrating year that I can remember.  I’ve spent SO much time feeling sorry for myself.  Pity slowly tumbled to self-loathing, which is pretty pathetic. No one likes a self-loathing, pity-party pathetic michelle.

I’m currently on a plane headed to see my daughter.  I used to be a horrible flyer.  Blah.. blah.. blah..  I’ve written about it in the past. The fam would draw straws so to speak to see who got stuck sitting next to me. 

People like time, change…sometimes for the good, sometimes for the better. 

I’m halfway through my flight and I’ve had zero anxiety. Not leading up to this, not packing, not going through security, not wondering who I’d be sitting next to. Nada. 

I downloaded a few movies to my iPad.  I always chose movies that I’ve never heard of. And try to keep in mind that whoever is sitting near me might catch a glimpse of my iPad screen, so I try to keep my choices appropriate 
( I once sat next to a couple of men on a flight.  Once we were in the air, they proceeded to watch a very graphic gay porn cartoon ( side  note.. nothing really phases me, it just made me think that for myself to always be cautious of what I’m watching when I’m near other people. )   One of them pulled out an entire loaf of banana bread wrapped in plastic wrap. He unwrapped it and the proceeded to pass it back and forth, eating it like it was a burger.  Both were very polite and offered me a bite, which I declined, but appreciate the thought. Anyway..  since then I’m always careful what is on my screen) 

Anyhooowww..  I just watched a movie and it got me to thinking. Life IS short.   But as short as it is, there are days, weeks, months, years that can drag on and seem like it’s forever. 
I’ve been mediating a lot these last few months.  It’s had me start to change the way I think about certain things. And it’s been a great lesson for me. 
I have many people in my life going through some tough things… for some, it’s just a bad day. For others, it’s a much bigger event.  Many of them ( possibly you if you are reading) have confided in me. This means so much to me. 
In turn, I’ve been able to confide in others as well.  It’s been a real lesson in growth.  For me, and I hope for my friends as well. 
What the hell am I talking about?  Honestly.. I don’t know. But what I do  know is this.. life is short.  It’s not a dress rehearsal. Find joy in everyday things. Even when it seems like there’s no hope, there’s always a bit of hope. So don’t give up.  Keep doing what you are doing.  Treat yourself with grace. 
Find something small that makes you smile.   I have a few of these things in my life right now.  Tiny little tokens that would mean nothing to the average person, but they mean the world to me. 
I’m loving the messages on my tea bag each night.  They are little verses, some very corny, but I look forward to reading them with my nightly cup of bedtime tea .

It’s a tiny thing, but it makes me smile 

Ok.. rambling over. I had some thoughts in my head and wanted to scribble them here. 

As I leave you, promise me this…  whatever you are going through right now, good or bad, amazing or devistating, remember… in the end, this is just a tiny footnote of your life.   It’s there in the corner.. it’s part of who you are. It’s part of what made you, what shaped you into the you that you are today. The you that you’ll be next week. The you that you’ll be in 9 years. 

It’s these footnotes who make us uniquely who we are. 

Keep writing your story.  It’s going to be a beautiful read . I promise. 



detangling yarn thoughts 

I’m currently detangling a mess of yarn  Almost 20 years have gone by but Every Single  Time I detangle yarn I think of Mrs. m Are the random things that you go that make you think of people from your past?   Saturday morning thoughts…

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easy–peasy pasta salad 

first of all, thank you for your kind words and messages yesterday ☺️ tis the season for cookouts, barbecues ( <—–did I ever mention that I don’t like that word?  I lost my 5th grade spelling bee to this word.  There is not a ‘Q’ in barbecue) Le sigh…   Anyway.. where you find cookouts, […]

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thinking about posting regularly again..

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what’s been going on in my world 

how is it mid march of 2017 already?  It’s just crazy.   I haven’t been around much. The start of the year was quite tough for me.  Saving you all of the details, we had to put my beloved 13-year old, love of my life, Fenway down.  It was truly one of the most heart […]

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puppy love.

I’m blessed to have 3 amazing pups.   Technically, one is my son’s pup  who both live with us, but I’ve trained her and so I consider myself at this moment to have 3 pups. My eldest is 13.5 years old. And a boxer. On the heavy side of a boxer’s lifespan.  It’s killing me. […]

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…’twas the night before Christmas 

Is not what my family reads on Christmas Eve..  grab a beverage, curl up in your favorite chair and indulge my inner storyteller as I share my story with you. The year was 1995. I was 25 years old, working full-time and had 3 young children.  My oldest,Jason was 7, Ryan was 3 and Ali was 1. As most you you […]

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….spicy tomato-ginger jam 

I forget where I first tasted tomato jam, but I can tell you that I instantly fell in love with it! I’ve been searching for a recipe for a few years, and the few times I attempted to make it, it did not come out well🙁 I’ve been doing a lot of research ove the […]

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roasted tomato dip 

It’s that time of year! There’s an abundance of produce locally grown just begging to be presrved for the long winter ahead. My Grandparents always grew tomatoes.. and to carry on their legacy, I grow them every year now look how tall they are!!! I’ve been making sauce with them, canning them, and having unlimited caprese […]

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