finding out.

hi all. 

I’m a numbers  person.   Not in the way that most would normally think.  I’m numbers vs. math 
My Husband?  He’s great with numbers. Percentages.. budgets.. finances.. he gets all of that.  ALL of that.   I always joke that math-wise, I can understand *just* what I need to if I’m cooking, sewing or knitting.  Other than that? Forget it.  

When I say that I’m a numbers person, I more mean that I see constant connections with numbers. Thinking back, I can’t remember. Time when I didn’t. 

So based on the fact that this is 2017, and 27 is my lucky number, and that 2017 scrambled is actually my birthday, one would think that perhaps this year should have been an epic one for me 
Except that it hasn’t been. It’s been by far the most trying, difficult, frustrating year that I can remember.  I’ve spent SO much time feeling sorry for myself.  Pity slowly tumbled to self-loathing, which is pretty pathetic. No one likes a self-loathing, pity-party pathetic michelle.

I’m currently on a plane headed to see my daughter.  I used to be a horrible flyer.  Blah.. blah.. blah..  I’ve written about it in the past. The fam would draw straws so to speak to see who got stuck sitting next to me. 

People like time, change…sometimes for the good, sometimes for the better. 

I’m halfway through my flight and I’ve had zero anxiety. Not leading up to this, not packing, not going through security, not wondering who I’d be sitting next to. Nada. 

I downloaded a few movies to my iPad.  I always chose movies that I’ve never heard of. And try to keep in mind that whoever is sitting near me might catch a glimpse of my iPad screen, so I try to keep my choices appropriate 
( I once sat next to a couple of men on a flight.  Once we were in the air, they proceeded to watch a very graphic gay porn cartoon ( side  note.. nothing really phases me, it just made me think that for myself to always be cautious of what I’m watching when I’m near other people. )   One of them pulled out an entire loaf of banana bread wrapped in plastic wrap. He unwrapped it and the proceeded to pass it back and forth, eating it like it was a burger.  Both were very polite and offered me a bite, which I declined, but appreciate the thought. Anyway..  since then I’m always careful what is on my screen) 

Anyhooowww..  I just watched a movie and it got me to thinking. Life IS short.   But as short as it is, there are days, weeks, months, years that can drag on and seem like it’s forever. 
I’ve been mediating a lot these last few months.  It’s had me start to change the way I think about certain things. And it’s been a great lesson for me. 
I have many people in my life going through some tough things… for some, it’s just a bad day. For others, it’s a much bigger event.  Many of them ( possibly you if you are reading) have confided in me. This means so much to me. 
In turn, I’ve been able to confide in others as well.  It’s been a real lesson in growth.  For me, and I hope for my friends as well. 
What the hell am I talking about?  Honestly.. I don’t know. But what I do  know is this.. life is short.  It’s not a dress rehearsal. Find joy in everyday things. Even when it seems like there’s no hope, there’s always a bit of hope. So don’t give up.  Keep doing what you are doing.  Treat yourself with grace. 
Find something small that makes you smile.   I have a few of these things in my life right now.  Tiny little tokens that would mean nothing to the average person, but they mean the world to me. 
I’m loving the messages on my tea bag each night.  They are little verses, some very corny, but I look forward to reading them with my nightly cup of bedtime tea .

It’s a tiny thing, but it makes me smile 

Ok.. rambling over. I had some thoughts in my head and wanted to scribble them here. 

As I leave you, promise me this…  whatever you are going through right now, good or bad, amazing or devistating, remember… in the end, this is just a tiny footnote of your life.   It’s there in the corner.. it’s part of who you are. It’s part of what made you, what shaped you into the you that you are today. The you that you’ll be next week. The you that you’ll be in 9 years. 

It’s these footnotes who make us uniquely who we are. 

Keep writing your story.  It’s going to be a beautiful read . I promise. 

Oxoxo 

Shel